I’m voting to leave the human race,

taking back control of the borders

of my self.


I blame unelected parents

for bringing me into the world,

and a faceless religious bureaucrat

who spoke about an ever closer union

– a single economy of love

requiring the free movement of people

into my life.


I mean, there are billions of them

and more are joining every day.

Any one of them

can just walk in to my world,

move in to my heart,

live off my compassion.

It has to stop now.


At least I have the advantage of being an island.


Of course there are risks:

my wife may vote to leave me

but that would be selfish of her

and its a risk worth taking.


Because, don’t get me wrong

some of my best friends

are people,

it’s just that I can negotiate better relationships

when I’m on my own.


So I’m voting mexit

and I’m on course to win a majority.